Travis Griffith

It’s been a while since my last update, for which I apologize to the people reading along with me. I am still making progress on my reading and my only excuse for not getting another post up here in the last two weeks isn’t really an excuse: life got in the way.

For many people, reading the Bible IS a part of life, but I’m not there. I’m struggling just to make sense and comprehend the parts I have read. One theme, especially, keeps rattling around my head even though I try to just accept it and move on. I can’t stop thinking about it, no seem to make any sense out of it.

Why all the sacrifice?

I understand that that theme will hit a climax with the ultimate in human sacrifice by the time I close the back cover on this book, but I’m having a hard time with the sheer volume of human and animal sacrifice just in the Old Testament.

I know I’ve visited this topic already, but it keeps coming up and it keeps bothering me.

“Thou Shalt Not Kill.”

Of all the commandments, that’s the one that actually makes the most sense to me. Yet people kill each other. A lot. Even more surprising, they kill each other at God’s direction. For example, in Deuteronomy, Chapter 20, God says,

As you approach a town to attack it, first offer its people terms for peace. If they accept your terms and open the gates to you, then all people inside will serve you in forcer labor. But if they refuse to make peace, prepare to fight, you must attack the town. When the Lord your God hands it over to you, kill every man in the town.

I can give example after example of cases in the Bible so far where humans deserve to be killed. Kill townspeople who don’t believe, kill people who do believe but commit certain sins, then kill rams and sheep and goats to absolve those sins. Why all the senseless killing!?

If I try to answer this myself, I tell myself that God’s chosen people deserve the land God has chosen for them and the killing is a type of sacrifice  to make sure that happens.

But that answer doesn’t fly. Why would one group be worthy of God’s love but not another? Why would pagans be worthy of death at the hands of “God’s chosen people?”

Aren’t we ALL God’s chosen people?

I feel like the words I’m reading now have set a terrible precedent of killing and war that has spanned millennia; all of it justified because it’s being done in God’s name.

God is love. God is peace. I hear those phrases all the time. I read them in greeting cards and hear them in snippets of Christian conversation. But I wonder: is it true? What if you’re on the wrong side of God?

Maybe, if back in the time of Deuteronomy, someone had stood up to God when he ordered the mass killing of a town’s people, and said, “No, I believe you are a loving God and I will not kill these people. I will embrace them and love them and learn of their beliefs as I discuss with them the wonder that is you.”

Maybe God would have been so pleased he would have blessed Earth with an eternity of peace rather than let the consequences of hate corrupt our history.

How do you justify the killing in the Bible? Help me here… I’m struggling.

***

Travis Griffith, Relief’s Blog Manager, is a former atheist now exploring what a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, was published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. Travis works from his home in Spokane, WA as a professional writer.

Travis Griffith

I enjoy a challenge. I get off on challenging other people’s existing perceptions and smile when my personal views and ideas are questioned.

And so I smiled while reading a comment from reader Marcia on my last post. Part of what she said was,

you must remember as much as you would like to believe that you are coming at this reading with an open mind, none of us is capable of completely being open to ideas that challenge our current views.

While that’s a powerful statement, I respectfully disagree. Regular readers know how passionately I once conformed to atheism. Part of me (a lot of me, sometimes) still wants to cling to an atheistic view because it’s easier and more convenient and somehow rebellious and cool. However, because my mind was open to entering a new spiritual paradigm, I reject atheism yet still strongly respect those who embrace it.

An open mind led to a new way of thinking.

That is how I am approaching my Bible read. I may not want to believe it, I may point out parts that seem contradictory, but my mind is open to the possibility that the Bible means much more than I’ve ever given it credit for.

That wasn’t easy while reading through Exodus. Frankly, I’m severely disturbed by it. I naturally have more questions, some of which I’ll pose here, and hope for a discussion on possible answers in the comments.

Before the last two weeks, there was one section of the Bible that I read: the Burning Bush. Something similar happened to me, which I can pinpoint as the moment I left atheism. That’s a long story but it ultimately put me on the path I’m on now. Reading that story with fresh eyes was inspiring and resonated as truth from the loving God who introduced himself to me.

From there, though, something changes in the book. God seems to go from lovingly proving his existence and bestowing hope on humanity to killing them. Why?

Why torture the Egyptians with plagues? Why kill all their first-born babies? If the only answer is simply, “Because they didn’t accept the Lord God,” then I can only shake my head in disbelief and sadness.

The theme continues through the explanation of Passover, when God passes over the people he likes to go “slaughter” the ones he doesn’t. It just makes me cringe.

The Red Sea is another example. The Israelites pass through the waters safely, but God drowns the Egyptians, causing the Israelites to celebrate.

Recent events have shown me that celebrating the death of our enemies makes us no better and I was under the impression that God supported that view. So I’m left confused by the words and events in Exodus.

As horrible as I find the killing of perceived enemies, I’m simply flabbergasted at the timing of the reveal of the Ten Commandments. Number six: Thou Shalt Not Kill.

Is there a difference between human sin and that of the divine?

My disgust went into overdrive when Moses was at Mount Sinai speaking with the Lord and the people below committed a sin: creating a golden calf and worshipping it. God and Moses entered an absolute rage, followed by these words:

Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, Put your sword on your hip, every one of you! Now go up and down the camp, from gate to gate, and slay your own kinsmen, your friends and neighbors!

Are you kidding me? The punishment for one sin is to commit another? Now we’re not killing enemies, but our own people! This troubles me.

Then irony presented itself again a page or two later when God says, “The Lord, a merciful and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in kindness and fidelity…”

As troubled as I am so far by the content, I am impressed by the depth of characters so far and the continuity between generations of people, and how each contributes to the consequences of the next. The incredible depth of the Bible is beginning to show through.

Exodus: who else is troubled?

***

Travis Griffith, Relief’s Blog Manager, is a former atheist now exploring what a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, was published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. Travis works from his home in Spokane, WA as a professional writer.

Travis Griffith

This will not be easy.

As many people might know, I am reading the Bible for the first time and blogging about it here.

The people who are joining me as I read might expect, or maybe even hope for, a certain response. I imagine that’s especially true for veteran Bible readers and scholars. Should my response not be what is expected, some people might become defensive and write me off a as a clueless lunatic. Or worse.

My intent is not to trash this book or point out any self-perceived flaws I think it might contain. The reason I chose to embark on this reading is to invoke provocative thought; from myself, from those reading at the same time and from those who have read the book in the past. My intent is to find poetic beauty that resonates within my spirit. To debate, discuss and challenge long-established truths, then dig deeper and find new meaning.

In the first hundred pages or so of Genesis, I’m disappointed. If this were a book I picked up by a new author I wouldn’t continue reading. I opened the pages of this particular tome thirsty for beauty and got a mouthful of dust.

Followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

I’m amused by the account of creation but have a hard time believing that modern humans accept the story of Earth and all life it holds being created within six days. Yes, it’s a nice verse that may have convinced people eons ago but today we have science to tell us that the Sun was around well before the Earth and that evolution of the species is a very real concept happening against a well-established timeline.

Where do Adam and Eve fall on that timeline? How many years ago did they take from the tree of knowledge and open their eyes to sin?

The story of Noah holds equal fascination. Why God would create life then decide he screwed up, wipe it away then repopulate with the same species just doesn’t make any sense. Then again, making sense and having faith are very different things so maybe there’s a deeper meaning here that I am missing. If so, I’d be more than happy to read the section again with a different set of eyes.

The fact that these early human lives spanned 800-900 years doesn’t do much for the credibility factor either.

It was the story of Abraham and his descendants, though, that truly disturbed me and opened the floodgates of rhetorical questions.

I read with wide eyes when Abraham shared his wife with other men. I uttered an audible “What?” just below my breath when Jacob took two wives, both of whom let him have sex with other women.

I guess I was under the impression the Bible was against infidelity, but then again I’m early in the story so I’ll withhold judgment until later.

Upsetting, to say the least

My stomach turned in disgust when the two daughters had sex with their father in attempts to get pregnant and felt mortified when Lot offered his daughters in an attempt to stop men from having sex with each other in the city of Sodom.

In that part of the world, in that time period, was forced sex upon females more acceptable than consensual sex between males? I didn’t expect this.

It’s a moot point, I suppose, because God killed the entire town of men with sulfuric fire rain anyway. (Which sounds more like the devil’s work than God’s.)

Honestly, I was really nervous to write the post a few weeks ago about pornography, but that’s downright tame compared to what I’ve read in the Bible so far.

However uncomfortable it might be to acknowledge, in these first few chapters, God has committed mass murder (multiple times), feels like he screwed up humanity from the very beginning of creation and seems to condone multiple sexual partners while married.

Wow. This is quite the opening to the story of Christianity.

Maybe the point of Genesis is to establish the point that humans naturally lust for what has been called “sin.” To ingrain an immediate fear of a vengeful God. To paint humanity as a disgusting cesspool of lawless evil before being saved by the time the last page is turned.

I hope not. I hope God would instead describe humans as his masterpiece; beings of light capable of experiencing the kind of love he used to create the universe.

Now that I’ve started this, I’m 100 percent convinced I need support and guidance. Reading Stephen Swanson’s advice should really help, along with all the great comments and support posted when this project was announced. I hope (and pray, I guess) that the support continues.

Remember, this truly is the first time I’ve ever cracked open the spine of a Bible with the intent of reading it with a completely open mind. I was punched in the face with these taboo topics and am left wondering if folks just choose not to discuss this stuff in polite company, haven’t noticed it, or just take it all with the same grain of salt I took with the story of a 6-day creation.

I have many, many other questions written down from my reading so far, but I’ll end with just one:

Are there any other first-time Bible readers on this journey with me?

***

Travis Griffith, Relief’s Blog Manager, is a former atheist now exploring what a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, was published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. Travis works from his home in Spokane, WA as a professional writer.

Travis Griffith

It seems we’re born into a world where everyone is blind.

We don’t know who we are; so we search, arms outstretched, wandering, hoping we run into some form of ourselves that might know the answers.

It’s during that journey through the darkness that many people turn to religion.

Religion provides millions of people with the answers they seek, but for countless others it only raises more questions that outweigh the faith required to believe.

My journey is about to take a turn that every fiber of my being tells me not to follow. And I’m going to need your help.

First, though, a little history.

I spent the first 28 years of my life staunchly opposed to the idea of God and dismissed Christianity, along with all other religions, as mythical stories believed only by the weak-minded.

Then, about six years ago, some things began to happen that jolted my perception of the spiritual realm; things that seem unreal when I look back at them today.  Eventually those experiences opened some new paths in my life, one of which led to the Relief Journal.

Two ways of looking at the Bible. I'm hoping this journey ends with the top picture.

It’s been about two years since my first blog at Relief and I’ve contributed sporadically since then. Just recently I had the opportunity to take the blog manager position here, which I humbly accepted.

Many people, including myself, find this more than ironic considering my anti-Christian past. I still don’t label myself a Christian, but I am highly spiritual and have developed a deep respect for all religions, including Christianity.

After accepting the position here, a friend posed a resounding and poignant question. She said, “You don’t comment on movies you haven’t seen, right? How can you comment on a religion when you haven’t read its book?”

Well… shit. I didn’t have an answer. At least not a good one.

While I love being right, I’m certainly not opposed to admitting when I’ve been called out. That was a moment I had my legs swept from beneath me and I could only raise the white flag of defeat while acknowledging she had one hell of a good point.

So I decided I should read the Bible.

You have to understand that if I had the choice between getting caught by someone while secretly reading the Bible or watching porn involving transvestite grandmas with Spanish men, I’d choose the porn every time. There’s not as much shame involved.

I’ve thrown at least two Bibles in the garbage and even seriously considered burning the insanely expensive one we got for our wedding just to see those pathetically thin pages go up in flames.

And so I’ve gone from that closed-minded attitude of years past to openly committing to read the Bible, in its entirety. Even writing those words causes my blood pressure to rise, though I’m not sure if it’s out of embarrassment, because I’m fundamentally opposed to the book or just afraid of what I might find in it.

I’ll start on May 2 and, as my editors here requested, try to finish on July 30. That’s only 90 days, and I’ll try, but make no promises! I do promise to document my progress and express my thoughts and reactions to the book in this space. I expect some of it will piss me off, some will make me laugh, some will cause me to shake my head in disbelief and some, hopefully, will resonate with messages of pure, unconditional love.

At least a couple of Relief staffers have committed to read during the same time, and I hope you will too. I could use the help with my questions, have you take part in the comments and hopefully get inspiration from your reactions as you witness a guy experiencing the Bible for the first time.

Any tips for a Bible virgin?

***

Travis Griffith, Relief‘s Blog Manager, is a former atheist now exploring what a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, was published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. Travis works from his home in Spokane, WA as a professional writer.

Brian Spears

By Alan Ackmann

Brian Spears, whose debut book of poetry A Witness in Exile was published earlier this year by Louisiana Literature press, is no stranger to long-time readers of Relief, having won the editor’s choice prize for poetry back in issue 2.2 for his poem “Hall Raising”. Although the poem published in that issue didn’t make the final cut of the book itself, many of its themes are revisited in A Witness in Exile, and handled in a way that Relief readers will probably find sincere and compelling.

Keep reading for the full review!

Though not explicitly divided, A Witness in Exile cleaves into roughly two sections. Poems in the first half of the book, with some exceptions, often focus on the relationship between an individual and an environment. As his biography indicates, Spears has a diverse background, and he presents poems set against the bayous of Louisiana, the swamps of south Florida, the deserts of New Mexico, and the coasts of San Francisco—places that “teeter on knife-edge” (to borrow a line from one of the poems). Sometimes these poems feature people; sometimes they meditate on the locations themselves. A sensation of loss pervades even those works peripheral to this motif, however, and the composite effect is of a writer seeking peace and completeness, in an existence that is wandering and fragmentary. On first read, this makes the book itself seem initially somewhat rambling, filled with poems that are occasionally quite strong—but collectively disjointed.

Unity emerges, though, in the book’s second half, where the poems take on a more consistent poignancy and urgency. Throughout this second half, Spears addresses material centered on his own childhood as a Jehovah’s Witness, a life he subsequently rejected, and he confronts this subject matter clearly, honestly, and un-ostentatiously. There are poems drawing from the religion’s core beliefs and practices, as well as its liturgical rituals and personal struggles. Most moving, though, are the poems that deal with the personal wounds that open when a prior believer walks away from the culture, and in this case the family and home, that raised and loved him.

Admirably, the Jehovah’s Witness poems (if it’s fair to label them as such) never descend into simplicity or caricature, and simultaneously never lambast or criticize. Spears—or, more to the point, the speaker in his poems—understands the beauty of the people who inhabit the lifestyle he is abandoning, and wishes them no harm. Indeed, some of the poems’ strongest moments come when the speaker seems to wish that he could go back to a time when he was unquestioning, to a clear-cut life undiluted by the complexity of doubt, when spiritual boundaries were clear, and—as the speaker freely admits in one poem—he was the happiest he’s ever been.

It is common to read Christian-themed poems about a believer’s doubts, and the trajectory of such poems is usually predictable. Less common, though, are poems about doubting ones atheism, and Spears’s inversion of the conventional tropes is tender and surprising.

When these two halves of the book are taken together, they enhance one another nicely. The first half presents speakers and poems who, at their center, seek a temporary version of the peace at one point possessed and then scorned in the book’s second half. The book seems to keep the reader at arm’s length for the first thirty pages, where its sadnesses are often ill-defined; someone is wandering off in exile, yes, but it’s hard to say from what. In the back thirty pages, however, the speakers are much more precise with their longing, inviting the reader into their intimacies, and this adds new texture to the initial poems. This juxtaposition creates a book that can exist as a completed text, in addition to a collection of isolated works.

It may be tempting to interpret the composite impact of Spears’s work from a purely spiritual vantage—as an account of the emptiness that dominates when Christ is not accepted, for example, or of the limitations of a particular sect of Christianity. Such interpretation, though, would be an oversimplified mistake. A Witness in Exile is the rare book of poetry that succeeds in treating matters of spirituality with tact and subtlety, coaxing a legitimate emotional response through its depiction of a worldview, not a dogma. It is a book not about the comfort of belief, but of the costs and consequences of a specific unbelief—costs that manifest themselves not in the hereafter, but in the sometimes melancholy here and now.

A Witness in Exile is available through www.amazon.com, and through the author’s personal website, www.brianspears.wordpress.com. I highly recommend it.

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Alan Ackmann was fiction editor for volume two of Relief: A Quarterly Christian Expression. He teaches in the writing department at DePaul University. His fiction has appeared in numerous literary journals, including Ontario Review and McSweeney’s, and he recently completed his first novel. His website is www.alanackmann.com.