In the spirit of Father's Day this Sunday, Travis Griffith shares some of what he has learned about being a "daddy" versus being a "father."
When my son was born six years ago, I would have said that I knew exactly what it takes to be a daddy. Turns out all I knew was how to become a father. The difference is surreal.
For years my perception of what it meant to be a father was to work hard and earn money for my family. This is a respectable commitment that is shared by millions of fathers. It’s not until an incredible yet amazingly simple piece of advice helped me realize my priorities were not aligned with my true intent, and that I had become ‘just’ a father.
Yes, I was earning good money and, combined with my wife’s salary, we lived a comfortable yet expensive life. My kids were comfortable too; it’s just that their perception of comfort was skewed.They didn’t know how much money we were paying for their daycare. They didn’t understand that Dad wasn’t at school birthday parties because he was at work.
All they knew was that Dad wasn’t there.
And from my point of view, I couldn’t see beyond the meetings scheduled throughout the day and the other upcoming events at work that needed my attention. Things like the birthday party had become secondary, if not tertiary, because I knew my efforts at work were paying for their care and happiness while I was away.
Let me say that again in a slightly different way: my perception was that I was earning money to pay for their happiness.
My idea of fatherhood had become taking comfort in knowing other people were taking care of my kids. And that’s what made me ‘just’ a father, because that attitude began to transcend into my days at home as well. Getting my parents to watch the kids or calling the neighbor kids to come over and play were becoming subconscious ways for me to actually avoid interacting with my children.
I was a presence in their lives… but not an involved one.
And then something began to change. I was given that simple guidance which over time has transformed my belief of what it means to have children and to be a daddy to them … not just a father.
I was given the advice to ask, every night at bedtime, what my child’s favorite part of the day was.
So simple.
So incredibly earth shattering.
The answers over two years have surprised me, humored me, enlightened me, fulfilled me and enriched me.
I’d bet that anyone who tries it will over time gain an insight into the tiny lives of their children and begin to see, from their perspective, the very same world we adults live in, only vastly different.
I would have never guessed that my child’s favorite part of the day would be watching the cookies bake at daycare. I would have never even known they made cookies at daycare.
I would have never realized how nervous my son is about riding a different bus to school than usual. Or that he’s so concerned about being the only one wearing jammies at his school’s pajama day.
By asking the same question every night, I feel like I’m slowly connecting myself with the world of my children. And even more profound, I feel like I’ve learned what it means to truly be a daddy.
I’ve learned that daddies make an effort to see and understand the beautiful simplicity of how their children’s eyes view their surroundings.
I’ve learned that daddies take the time to try and understand the influence the world is having on their kids, and then make small adjustments that may be simple, but are needed to create a happier child.
I’ve learned that all daddies are fathers. But not all fathers are daddies.
The pinnacle for me so far was just a few nights ago, as my son lay in bed and I was talking to him about his day. I told him that he’s my favorite boy in the world and that there is no other boy I’d rather have. Ever.
He said, “Daddy, that makes me really happy.”
But the smile on his face said more to me than just his words.
My words to him were so simple. They weren’t poetic and they weren’t elegant. They were just truth spoken straight from my heart. With that simple exchange though, I went to bed feeling on top of the world because I knew my son was in his room, smiling just because I love him.
As I’ve thought about this, I’ve realized my situation is a microcosm of fatherhood in general. This same realization is happening all across the world, as fathers are becoming daddies…
Travis Griffith, who recently left behind the corporate marketing world choosing family and writing in lieu of “a comfortable life” financially, is a former atheist trying to define what leading a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. captures only a fraction of his passion for fatherhood. We’re glad to have him aboard.
Keeping faith is hard during difficult times. Don Beireis shares some of his thoughts on the book of Job and its impact on his personal life.
I have often though about Job and his incredible response to the dark turn of events in his life. I’ve read many times of how patient a man he was—a man who praised God during these struggles. And I’ve never grasped it. I mean, I believe the bible is the infallible Word of God. I just have never accepted that someone living in real skin could ever face those great losses, then fall on their face and praise the God that ‘gives and takes away.’
I still don’t fully understand it even now. We’ve had our very own ‘series of unfortunate events’ and God has taken us to the story of Job. We have discovered that it is not the ending, but the journey that has so much meaning for us. What follows is my awakening to the role of God in this story.
God asked Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job?” Then God testified on Job’s behalf, “there is no one like him, he is blameless and upright…”, and Job’s character is corroborated by the Expert of witnesses. Satan then questions whether Job is faithful to God out of self-interests or true devotion. “Strike all he has and he will surely curse you to your face.” Satan is tempting God! Satan also tempted Jesus in the wilderness in the beginning of His ministry, and Jesus rebuked Satan on the spot for tempting Him. So why didn’t God rebuke Satan now?
Key 1: God trusted Job. God so believed in Job (evidenced in his testimony of Job) that He was willing to accept the wager offered by Satan. If He didn’t trust Job, He would have rebuked Satan. We often discuss trusting in God – and we should – but do we consider that God trusts us?
Key 2: God drew limits on Job’s trial. God permitted Satan to touch all Job possessed, but not to touch him personally. God knew what Job could handle and He wouldn’t allow the trial to exceed those limits.
So, Job has ‘one of those days’ on the grandest of scales. One servant rushes in, Master, the donkeys and oxen have been stolen by the Sabeans, all the servants killed, and only I escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, another servant rushed in, Master, Fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and servants, and only I escaped to tell you. While he was yet speaking, another servant came rushing in, Master, the Chaldeans stole all your camels, killed all your servants, and only I escaped to tell you. While he was still speaking, the fourth servant rushed in.
Imagine that amidst the chaos of three distressed servants speaking at the same time, Job’s heart broke inside of him as he knew where this fourth servant had been. Master, a mighty wind collapsed the house in which your daughters and sons were eating, killing them all, and only I escaped to tell you.
In moments, Job lost his great wealth, but more tragically, lost his precious children. Then he does something I can’t comprehend. He falls on his face and worships God saying, The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, the Lord be praised!
Incredibly, what is missing between the end of chapter 1 and beginning of chapter 2 is perhaps the biggest part of the story: Job had proved God right! God won Satan’s wager – Job had proved His confidence was well placed! The second story (chapter 2) only occurs because Satan had ‘egg on his face’ and wagers again, ‘double or nothing.’ Again God accepts the wager, because He trusts Job, and again He draws limits.
During our time of trial, will we accept that God hasn’t rebuked Satan because HE TRUSTS US? That He is willing to call out “Let it ride,” because He believes in us?
This past November, we attacked our savings to replace a roof, and complete some auto repairs and other things around our house. Just two weeks later, we were laid off when our bank downsized. Shortly thereafter, the entire banking industry fell on its face, and still to this day the shrinking job market is matched in speed only by the growing pool of unemployed (and very qualified ) candidates. As the primary provider for a family of six, my stress level escalated, especially since my kids seem to have a daily contest on who eats the most or who grows out of their clothes the fastest. Didn’t God know this would happen? Why didn’t He stop us from draining our reserves? I know that God won’t shut one door without opening another, but that’s so much easier said than lived.
Many applications, interviews and closed doors later, I am still waiting for God to move on our situation. Although He supplies every one of our needs as they arise (Thank you God!) I still await “that phone call or email” where God opens up His Door of Providence and reveals His plan.
But, in the mean time, I have heard His message loud and clear. When I see another door close, get another “you’re late” phone call, or let doubts creep in that perhaps this situation will not turn for the better, He reminds me again of Job. I now know that God has declared to Satan that I am His child, He has already drawn limits on my trial, and He has taken Satan’s wager because He believes in me. Now it’s my turn to prove Him right.
Don Beireis, who is currently in transition from twelve years in the banking industry, is a musician, a writer, and a “recovering legalist” who has spent most of his life in church. An avid reader, his desire to write stems from what he sees as “a growing need to translate theological knowledge into inspiring life application.”
Concluding her 4-part series, Monica Brand shares the impact that the largest Muslim nation in the world— Indonesia—had on her American Christian faith.
Demons lived in a tree in Ujung Pandang.
Let me back up a bit and explain. In the middle of the city, there was a large park, kind of like Central Park, only Indonesian style. In one corner of the park, was a large tree and rumor had it that demons lived among the branches.
An American expat living in Ujung Pandang told me how the Indonesians he knew all believed it. I don't recall the species, but it was one of the biggest trees I'd ever seen. Wide trunk, tall with long heavy branches reaching up, out and green. It's just a tree. But walk past the tree at night and feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Easy to believe at night, that rumor of demons. There are demons in that tree, the story goes. Freaks a girl out.
Were there demons in that tree? Maybe. I saw no evidence of demonic activity, but why not? If Jesus drove demons out of pigs and people, why not a tree? Maybe all the demons were on their best behavior when I walked past it. My point here is not to argue whether the tree needed an exorcism, what struck me about the supposed Demon Tree was that it was locally accepted. Demons live there? No big deal.
Now finally to my point:
We Americans are so caught up in the clutter of life, the temporal, we miss the demons living in the tree. This is what we see: keyboard, monitor, desk, room, house, and Earth it rests on. The spiritual world is just as real as this one, this world that we can see and touch. I believe that. I bet you believe that too if you take the name of Christ.
Then why don't we act like we really believe it? Why do we chase after things that will only pass away? I'm not saying we should go looking for nasty demons under every rock and pew, but to live mentally conscience in that releam. That was one of the great things about living in Indonesia, with the consistent call to prayer for Muslims, the spiritual rarely was forgotten. There was a feeling of possibly in a spiritual sense. Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel that in American churches.
I may not see evidence of demons in the tree, but I do see a lack of evidence in the American church in belief in the supernatural. That's scarier than rumored demons in a tree.
Monica Brand, a former newspaper reporter turned stay-at-homeschooling mom who has been writing since high school, has been a Christian for most her life. She likes to read across a wide variety of genres (not just CBA authors). In addition to this site, you can find her at her own blog at monicabrand.net, Writer Interrupted, New Jersey Moms, and ACFW.com.
There’s no formula that guarantees publication. Publishers, acquisition agents, and editors are human: driven by personal tastes that influence their decisions. Plus, the publishing market is uncertain, with trends nearly impossible to predict.
However, this doesn’t mean aspiring writers shouldn’t plan their publication path. To some, the concept seems ill-fitting to such a creative venture as writing a novel. Our stories and characters are living, breathing things, works of art, so the idea of meticulously charting our steps can feel counterintuitive.
What happens if we viewed our writing careers as such: a career, a business, a full time job which we aspire to? Suddenly, our thoughts change. We start thinking about our writing “resume”, working our way up the “ladder”, and building a solid foundation on which to build.
That being said, I make this qualifying statement: the following isn’t something I invented; I’m only passing it on. I’ve gleaned it from other writers, largely from Stephen King’s memoir, On Writing. It’s not the only path to publication, but it is a path. In On Writing, King details the scenario of an imaginary author compiled from the experiences several writers he knew. In detailing this fictional writer’s path, King illustrates that a writer serious about publication:
Is a student of the market: studies and researches agents, magazines, digests, anthologies, and publishers.
Has a submission routine, and keeps at it, even in the face of rejection.
Is willing to take on side endeavors writing reviews, editorials, & other articles.
Has a PLAN: knows where to go and who to submit to.
Studies the Market:
King’s fictional author, (whom he called ‘Frank’), subscribed to several writing publications, always looking for articles about improving craft, new publishers and publications, trends in publishing, and agent listings. Frank also carefully notes agents who read his particular genre – before he ever publishes a single story.
When targeting short fiction magazines, Frank sends away for sample copies to read first, to see if his writing fits the magazine’s content. When querying editors, Frank creates a list of those markets and their comments.
Has a Routine for Submissions and Rejections:
First of all, it’s important that Frank actually sends something out. Many talented writers don’t do this for one reason or another, waiting forever for the “right” time to do so. Frank gets over this, finds a few magazines catering to his target audience, and sends his stories off. He also keeps a running list of where he his stories are, and gets busy writing more.
Though I’m focusing specifically on short stories, the above process applies to nonfiction articles also. The most important thing is this: while important to proof-read and edit, at some point, Frank had to let go and start submitting. Frank understands that most his first round stories won’t be accepted. It starts the ball rolling, however, and begins the process.
In any case, his first few stories are rejected, for a variety of reasons – either they weren’t liked, too many submissions were better, or in one sad case, a magazine folds before Frank’s accepted story is published. Undaunted, Frank continues to send stories out, letting them “do the rounds” through his publication list, carefully noting the each editor’s reaction.
Meanwhile, he continues to write with stiff upper lip. When a story completes the rounds unsuccessfully, Frank makes a decision: re-write, or shelve it for his “collection”? It’s a gut call, but at this point Frank has developed a good sense of his own writing, and what can be improved. Frank’s in a good place. He always has stories “doing the rounds”, he’s consistently editing and improving rejected stories and getting them back into circulation, and he’s always writing new ones. As his writing and sense of audience improves, he starts racking up publication credits – that resume we mentioned earlier.
Takes Advantage of Other Writing Opportunities:
Along the way, King notes that Frank picks up a gig for some money writing movie and book reviews for the local newspaper. It brings a little extra cash in, gives him some local name-recognition and exposure, but most importantly – it gives him regular, consistent work on his craft. It also shows that Frank has some range, and once again: more evidence that Frank’s work is of publishable quality, and he’s worked with editors on a regular basis.
At this point in King’s illustration, “Frank” lands a few stories – some for money, others for contributor’s copies – and wins a contest or two. That, along with the review gig gives Frank something to approach agents with, because now he’s finally thinking about that BIG story, the novel manuscript. He hasn’t landed a book contract yet, and maybe never will – but at the very least, Frank haves the satisfaction of knowing he utilized every avenue open to him in an efficient way.
So what’s the take-away from this? The following advice:
Know what type of genre/writing you excel at, and where to submit it. Know what material publishers like to read, what agents and editors are likely to accept, and what they currently AREN’T accepting.
Whether you write short fiction, non-fiction, poetry, inspirational devotionals, reviews or informational articles, the important take-away is this: organization, planning, market awareness, and determination yields positive results. The above is not a guaranteed formula, but not only is its order efficient; it also makes a writer FEEL better – because we all feel more confident with a plan.
Accepting writing gigs outside your preferred genre is important because it forces you to consider yourself as a writer first and a novelist/poet/short story writer second. It makes you hone in on the craft of writing itself. Also, it might open you as a writer to possibilities never before thought possible.
On a final note, this work ethic isn’t something that stops when a writer achieves novel publication – not if they want to be successful. An excellent example is one of the busiest writers in the market, horror novelist Brian Keene. Brian seems to crank out a new novel every few months; he writes short stories, novellas and chapbooks, and recently signed a deal to write a graphic novel series for Marvel Comics. This isn’t just the result of good fortune, however. A recent interview with Shroud Magazine shows how he gets it done. When asked to detail a typical week, Brian states: “I write more than 40 hours a week; it’s my job. I start writing every day around 6 AM, take a lunch break, and then write until 5 PM until everyone (his family) comes home.” Work ethic and order: two winning combinations, in any market.
Kevin Lucia is currently seeking an MA in Creative Writing from Binghamton University, is a born-again Christian who teaches 9-10th grade English and acts as a freelance columnist for The Press & Sun Bulletin. If you can’t get enough of Kevin here at Relief, you can find him at kevinlucia.net, as well as on MySpace and ShoutLife.
Shiny Everyday American I like shoes. Strappy sandals, kitten heels, flats and worn-in sneakers. It's all good. So off to the mall I went (without kids!) to scope out the spring selections. I walked through Bloomingdale's, hoping for a great sale. But what I found I didn't expect.
The floor looked coated with shiny lip gloss leading up to the make-up counters. Women in smocks fussed over the brightly lit displays, waiting for customers. Dozens of tiny glass perfume jars like little twinkly stars. So many choices, so much excess. I couldn't wait to get out of the store, shoes or not.
Why does there have to be so much? Home to the Shire When I first came home from Indonesia, I went through a bit of reverse culture shock. Like Frodo in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, it's true you never can go back to the life you once had in the peaceful shire. When you witness a Third World lifestyle, American excess is like a slap across the face. The painful sting of how much we Americans have never fully heals. Every now and then, I'm reminded of it.
A Tale of Two Supermarkets... In a city like Ujung Pandang, there is what we would call a supermarket, but with closer inspection, there isn't much of anything super about it. Lots of non-perishable items with a long shelf-life, like Nestle instant coffee and ramen noodles. Travel into the countryside and the choices are even fewer. When we drove up to the mountains, we stopped at a roadside market that reminded me of those fruit stands open in the summertime back home. That's the Indonesian convenience store for Coke, cigarettes, rice, and fruit.
The supermarket 20 minutes from my house here in New Jersey recently super-sized itself–again. Not only can you get live lobster, organic milk and vegetables, you can purchase sushi, rotisserie chicken, and muffins bigger than your hand. I'm sure your local Super Wal-mart can do even better. If I want to buy clothes for my kids, I have to go to a separate store–a mere 10 minute jaunt up the road. If I need a missing ingredient when making dinner, I hop in the car to drive to our “roadside” store that is miles bigger than the Indonesian one.
And Two Christians A girlfriend from church likes shoes as much as I do, so we're planning to go to shopping as soon as our schedules allow. As we discussed our girl's night out, I remembered walking through Bloomingdale's just a few days before.
“Does it ever bother you that this country has so much?”
“No,” she looked at me strangely. Why would I ask such a thing?
I can't fault her. It's the American way to have more than enough. We expect it, live with it, don't think much of it.
Faded Most days, I'm not unlike my friend. I adore cute shoes. I also like eating those sweet muffins. Bloomingdale's may bother me, but I can go into Borders, Target or Applebee's and not give Indonesia a second thought. Those stores aren't as decadent in their presentation as Bloomingdale's, but the idea is still the same. We have so much here.
The slap of excess should still sting, shouldn't it?
As a Christian, I wish it would bother me more. And it seems to me that American Christians aren't too concerned of the disparity between Us and Them either. Part of me wants to stop and admire all the make-up in the glass case. But here's the thing about shiny glass surfaces–you can see your reflection staring back.
Monica Brand, a former newspaper reporter turned stay-at-homeschooling mom who has been writing since high school, has been a Christian for most her life. She likes to read across a wide variety of genres (not just CBA authors). In addition to this site, you can find her at her own blog at monicabrand.net, Writer Interrupted, New Jersey Moms, and ACFW.com.
In the spirit of Father's Day this Sunday, Travis Griffith shares some of what he has learned about being a "daddy" versus being a "father."
Keeping faith is hard during difficult times. Don Beireis shares some of his thoughts on the book of Job and its impact on his personal life.
There’s no formula that guarantees publication. Publishers, acquisition agents, and editors are human: driven by personal tastes that influence their decisions. Plus, the publishing market is uncertain, with trends nearly impossible to predict. 
