|
 In the spirit of Father's Day this Sunday, Travis Griffith shares some of what he has learned about being a "daddy" versus being a "father."
When my son was born six years ago, I would have said that I knew exactly what it takes to be a daddy. Turns out all I knew was how to become a father. The difference is surreal.
For years my perception of what it meant to be a father was to work hard and earn money for my family. This is a respectable commitment that is shared by millions of fathers. It’s not until an incredible yet amazingly simple piece of advice helped me realize my priorities were not aligned with my true intent, and that I had become ‘just’ a father.
Yes, I was earning good money and, combined with my wife’s salary, we lived a comfortable yet expensive life. My kids were comfortable too; it’s just that their perception of comfort was skewed.They didn’t know how much money we were paying for their daycare. They didn’t understand that Dad wasn’t at school birthday parties because he was at work.
All they knew was that Dad wasn’t there.
And from my point of view, I couldn’t see beyond the meetings scheduled throughout the day and the other upcoming events at work that needed my attention. Things like the birthday party had become secondary, if not tertiary, because I knew my efforts at work were paying for their care and happiness while I was away.
Let me say that again in a slightly different way: my perception was that I was earning money to pay for their happiness.
My idea of fatherhood had become taking comfort in knowing other people were taking care of my kids. And that’s what made me ‘just’ a father, because that attitude began to transcend into my days at home as well. Getting my parents to watch the kids or calling the neighbor kids to come over and play were becoming subconscious ways for me to actually avoid interacting with my children.
I was a presence in their lives… but not an involved one.
And then something began to change. I was given that simple guidance which over time has transformed my belief of what it means to have children and to be a daddy to them … not just a father.
I was given the advice to ask, every night at bedtime, what my child’s favorite part of the day was.
So simple.
So incredibly earth shattering.
The answers over two years have surprised me, humored me, enlightened me, fulfilled me and enriched me.
I’d bet that anyone who tries it will over time gain an insight into the tiny lives of their children and begin to see, from their perspective, the very same world we adults live in, only vastly different.
I would have never guessed that my child’s favorite part of the day would be watching the cookies bake at daycare. I would have never even known they made cookies at daycare.
I would have never realized how nervous my son is about riding a different bus to school than usual. Or that he’s so concerned about being the only one wearing jammies at his school’s pajama day.
By asking the same question every night, I feel like I’m slowly connecting myself with the world of my children. And even more profound, I feel like I’ve learned what it means to truly be a daddy.
I’ve learned that daddies make an effort to see and understand the beautiful simplicity of how their children’s eyes view their surroundings.
I’ve learned that daddies take the time to try and understand the influence the world is having on their kids, and then make small adjustments that may be simple, but are needed to create a happier child.
I’ve learned that all daddies are fathers. But not all fathers are daddies.
The pinnacle for me so far was just a few nights ago, as my son lay in bed and I was talking to him about his day. I told him that he’s my favorite boy in the world and that there is no other boy I’d rather have. Ever.
He said, “Daddy, that makes me really happy.”
But the smile on his face said more to me than just his words.
My words to him were so simple. They weren’t poetic and they weren’t elegant. They were just truth spoken straight from my heart. With that simple exchange though, I went to bed feeling on top of the world because I knew my son was in his room, smiling just because I love him.
As I’ve thought about this, I’ve realized my situation is a microcosm of fatherhood in general. This same realization is happening all across the world, as fathers are becoming daddies…
…and children are becoming happier.
Previous Articles:
Travis Griffith, who recently left behind the corporate marketing world choosing family and writing in lieu of “a comfortable life” financially, is a former atheist trying to define what leading a spiritual life really means. His children’s book, Your Father Forever, published in 2005 by Illumination Arts Publishing Company, Inc. captures only a fraction of his passion for fatherhood. We’re glad to have him aboard.
|
